A Midwestern summer
it's pronounced man-aise, not may-on-naise!
I spent much of July and August in Cleveland, Ohio, supporting my mom who was undergoing a surgery. Living Coexisting with my immediate family under one roof was an experience I haven’t had in years. If you have a sane, healthy relationship with your immediate family, what’s it like being God’s favorite? For the rest of us, I wouldn’t recommend doing it for an extended time unless a) it’s absolutely necessary or b) you aspire towards an early death.
In Cleveland, a sprawling city with a population 25x smaller than NYC, I was able to explore true uncurated living. Even in the hip downtown neighborhoods, I could take a half-hour walk and count the number of people I saw on one hand. My slow days were spent in coffee shops so quiet that oftentimes, it was just me and the baristas sharing the space. I lived in my croc slides and gradually wore less makeup until I ditched it completely, like a fun experiment in how far I could push having the audacity to face them.
In NYC, being surrounded by people constantly on the move makes the pace of life press on me. Time in NYC feels finite, with endless, enticing pathways – a constant reminder that I can’t venture down them all. In a slower city like Cleveland, time felt boundless, flattened. A single day could stretch and linger into what felt like several, rather than dissipate (much like how far my money goes in said cities). Here, I achieved the unthinkable:
A seat at a coffee shop. Not only that, but I didn’t have to engage in a passive-aggressive staring contest to claim it. I could even take my time deciding where to sit, without feeling like I’m playing musical chairs with caffeine addicts.
A cloudless sunset. Who knew that sunsets could come without the extra seasoning of pollution? Bonus points for not having to elbow my way through a crowd just to get a glimpse.
A random conversation with a stranger. Midwestern hospitality means that people talk to me, not to sell something, but because – surprise! – they actually want to.
During the time I spent away from NYC, I anticipated feeling heightened anxiety over the fact that my friends would experience life without me, and possibly forget how my presence enhanced it. To my surprise, distance turned my anxiety into a tranquil detachment, easing thoughts of Why wasn’t I invited? Why wasn’t I there? Do they like me? and even more troubling, Do they hate me? In Cleveland, I was free from the relentless throes of who’s-doing-what-with-whom that NYC often magnifies. Basically, I couldn’t lose the comparison game if I didn’t play.
Cleveland was a layover with a return ticket to NYC tucked away in my pocket. I drifted through, caught in an intermission where the usual existential dread of Is this my life? didn’t consume me. This was my life, but also not; more like a curious diversion, allowing me to dream up alternate versions of myself and play pretend in a place that wasn’t really home.
One afternoon, while at the Cleveland Art Museum, I began attributing fun personality traits to Alina (alt.), who’d work in said art museum.
From: Alina Peng
To: Daisy Dawson, Darla Young
Subject: hi
July 5, 2024 - 11:32 AM
Hey Daisy Duck, how was the honeymoon?! Hope it was as brat as u are but man am I RELIEVED to have my work bestie back tomorrow. Did u see they finally unveiled the fountain? Ugly AF am I right? If I was the idiot donor blowing millions on a fountain I’d at least have it spout La Croix.
BTW, guess who got stuck with the under-12 painting class? A whole month with sticky, sweaty kids who think Monet and Manet are the same dude <3 Can we petition to fund a museum doggy daycare instead? I’m begging.
Also, whose brilliant idea was it to put the kids in the room with a real Cézanne? That old wench Darla screamed at me when a kid touched it, but like, did we ever consider putting it behind glass? Or using one of the other, say, 20 rec rooms available??? Just a thought.
See you soon xoxox
Alina Peng | Communicates Associate, CMA
To Alina Peng
From Darla Young
Subject: RE: hi
July 5, 2024 - 4:59 PM
Miss Peng,
Your email is unacceptable. This old wench would like to see you in her office tomorrow morning. 8 AM sharp.
Darla Young | Program Director, CMA
From Alina Peng
To Darla Young
Subject: RE: RE: hi
July 5, 2024 - 8:01 PM
OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY MA’AM THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT MEANT FOR YOU. In my defense, “Daisy” and “Darla” look incredibly similar from far away, and I have very poor eyesight thanks to genetics and my gen’s over-reliance on technology. You weren’t home just now, but please accept the box of chocolates I left on your porch as an apology. Gluten-free, nut-free, and dairy-free, DW.
Despite everything I said, I swear I have more good days than bad here. Being surrounded by the art pieces – slumbering yet watchful, suspended in time – is something I’ll never take for granted. It makes the questionable fountain worth it. My diatribe about the kids stems from a pessimism that I know is tied to fear about having kids myself. I’m truly grateful you hired me and I would really, really, really love to keep working here. But I understand if I can’t anymore.
Alina Peng | Communicates Associate, CMA
P.S. Don’t ask how I found your address (again, thanks technology!).
From Daisy Dawson
To Alina Peng
Subject: RE: hi
July 6, 2024 - 9:10 AM
HOL Y SHIT BRO DID YOUR FINGER SLIP OR SMTH SKSKSKK
Are you alive??? Call me asap! after she chews your head off
Honeymoon was ahmaaazing thanks for asking!!! I don’t wanna be back :(
Daisy Dawson | Research Associate, CMA
From Darla Young
To Alina Peng
Subject: Warning
July 6, 2024 - 12:25 PM
Following our meeting, I was ready to submit your termination letter. However, Justine came home from that under-12 painting class you so despise teaching and declared that you, of everyone, are her favorite teacher. Clearly, you must be doing something right.
Darla Young | Program Director, CMA
P.S. I agree, the fountain is hideous.
I saw a TikTok recently on how hustle culture has convinced us that flashy creative outputs boost our societal value, due to the external validation they receive. This effect is especially pronounced in NYC, where the surge in podcasters and DJs has made the city’s collective noise almost deafening.
As I settle back into the chaos, I’m realizing that I don’t always have to be on a productivity treadmill, constantly creating something, to justify my existence here. Simply being present can be my cultural contribution (ironic, though, as I write this). A bit of Midwestern kindness can mean just as much for the community as a grand production. Culture often thrives in everyday interactions – the coffee orders, the shared sunsets, and the spontaneous work emails that send our heads into spirals along the way.
This was great. :)
glad I discovered your page. I definitely see how a midwestern city can feel much slower than a super busy NYC as I used to live in Minneapolis:)